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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24089953">Logan's Logs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snorp_Lord/pseuds/Snorp_Lord'>Snorp_Lord</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:26:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24089953</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snorp_Lord/pseuds/Snorp_Lord</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Logan records his thoughts following the newest video.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>134</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Logan's Logs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I promise the update but this was stuck in my head and I cranked it out at 2am, so enjoy-<br/>Also I have a Discord Server! Link in the end notes.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“This is Log Retake Five in the matter of the...most recent emotional dilemma that Thomas has experienced. As I am sure everyone is aware, I chose to take on a simplistic, pixelated form for the video itself. What you may not know is that that form was more than a mere stylistic choice. I know you all decided on a video game theme, and I originally hoped to take on an eight bit format. But as you all continued your planning, I realised something. I had no place in your discussion.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Logan’s hands slipped on the recorder, and he nearly let go of the button. That would be no good. If he ended the recording, he would have to delete this one and re-record. He couldn’t face saying it again. It was hard enough planning for this. He took one soft, shaking breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know that I am not a good fit in some of these situations. Thomas is ruled by his emotions, and by his desires, and by his fears. He is, as I imagine many people are, an emotionally-driven person. Logic does not always have the greatest role in his decision making. And that was something I accepted as Thomas grew. You all remember puberty. There was absolutely no room for logic in those times! But then, my research suggested that was to be expected.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The laugh he let out was bitter and raw. Had that been the start of the end? Romantic feelings. They certainly </span>
  <em>
    <span>felt</span>
  </em>
  <span> like the end, back when hormones had come crashing down on them all like a wave. Despite his perceived wealth of knowledge at the time, even Logan had fallen victim to those accursed chemical imbalances. Determined not to fall victim again, he had shut himself in his room for three days researching all possible causes and methods of mediation, even creating a small file on methods to explain to children, just on the off chance Thomas would be called on to help someone else who might have been confused and overwhelmed. The explanation was even in child-friendly, yet cringe-free language. Any shortcoming could be overcome with enough careful research.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I restrained myself for this video. Not only did I avoid appearing in person, and thereby avoided causing another layer of unwanted...noise, for lack of a better word, visual and auditory, but I also managed to limit my number of interruptions to only the key points which would encourage further, richer discussion.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Please tell me you noticed I’m trying, I’m trying so hard. </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Although I apologize for providing no helpful information for your argument, Patton. It may have been flawed, but you all allow me to speak even when my arguments are flawed and underdeveloped. Perhaps hearing that you had no support from my research was harmful. I merely intended it to be the objective statement of fact that it was- that your view was obviously not supported by the facts, so it was alright to admit as much. Goodness, this is all starting to sound needlessly contrarian, isn’t it?”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>That was never what he wanted. What he wanted was for Patton to stop stretching himself so thin, to stop figuratively killing himself to support something which was clearly wrong, therefore (hopefully) allowing him just a moment to rest. There were no facts to support what he wanted to be true. In any rational mind, that would be a cue that perhaps it was time to look for a better truth, to spare themselves a needlessly stressful time trying to hold up something they knew was wrong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Patton and the others weren’t logical. And while he loved that about each and every one of them, it also seemed to cause them so much pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For all my research in the area of language and communications, I cannot quite seem to get the point across. What I mean to say, Patton, is that your stress-inducing views on certain moral dilemmas are unsupported, therefore you may discard them, safe in the knowledge that you are taking a path which is better supported by science and philosophy. Is that understandable? I can’t tell if I’m speaking clearly right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soft, hiccuping sobs were taking over his words, even as he tried to bite them back. His tears kept the world permanently blurred around him, watching colors shift in the darkness like oil on water. The bright red dictaphone. The blue of his tie. The purple starry rug. He couldn’t get any one color to come into focus. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Janus, I-I am glad you felt comfortable enough to reveal your name to us all, and I apologize deeply for the reaction. What Roman did not know is that Janus is spelled differently, and that it is the name of a two-faced god. Very fitting for you. None of us saw it coming, but in hindsight it is so natural I am amazed it did not appear in my research or occur to me while reading about mythology for fun. Kudos to you on that. And, I suppose, for forcing me to admit that yes, I researched potential names. You were always fascinating to me, even though twice now you have needlessly removed me from discussions I might have been extremely helpful in. I would have enjoyed a courtroom debate with you. Another time, perhaps.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> He didn’t know if he’d actually be able to talk to Janus about this face-to-face. Much less keep it together long enough to have any kind of meaningful debate about anything. If it became personal, he might burst into tears, having to hear it straight from Janus. Wouldn’t that be pathetic?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Roman, as crude as your humor was in the aftermath, I believe you could do with a sympathetic ear and a neutral perspective. While your reaction was needlessly cruel, it is not totally unjustified. You have a strong, instinctive and visceral sense of justice. Janus has been grey and slippery and difficult to understand. He is difficult for you to pinpoint. You know that he is unlikely to be inherently good or inherently bad, but that clashes with your...need, I suppose, to be the hero. To know where the villain is and how to smite him. And he wears all black, like a certain someone. Take him aside at some point and talk about costume design. Perhaps once you </span>
  <em>
    <span>both </span>
  </em>
  <span>apologize and move on. You could teach him some things about it. Help him ‘glow up’ his outfit. I think you both would enjoy it, Roman. And you need something therapeutic after all you’ve been through. You showed remarkable strength sending us to the wedding. I know you don’t think any of us noticed. I did. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears were coming thick and fast now. The other two had, thankfully, stayed far away from the video, so he didn’t have to try and record things for them. It was hard enough. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m trying so hard please please help me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“L-Lastly, Thomas, this part is for you. It is my apology and my plan in one. I apologize for my intrusive behaviour as of late. I had hoped my logic could be a calming influence in all the emotional turmoil. To know that you have a voice in everything that is objective, factual and impartial. I see now I was wrong. You are an emotional type of person, and you require a more sensitive approach than I...can ever truly provide. And so that brings me to my proposal. That I...duck out. Not in the sense that Virgil did, no offense. I would still be present for anything I am needed for. But I would remain in my room and no longer intrude on the discussions that you three -or four now- more accurately, have.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Logan rubbed his face with his free hand. It came away wet with tears, as expected. He was really doing this. This could be the end of everything he knew. An eternity of loneliness in his room. Isolated from those he held so dearly. Perhaps they would visit, ask to work on the script with him. Or maybe they would take time away to heal before planning another discussion, considering how badly this one went.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is a proposal. You hold the power here, as always. I love you, Thomas. I love you so much. If this will help you, please take me up on my proposal. If it will help you, I will do it. This is Logan Sanders signing off.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Link to the server! <br/>https://discord.gg/M4J2pqq</p></blockquote></div></div>
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